Desolate

Well, I was forced to use NLP. It worked extremely well I guess. AAA revision settled in two hours, I spent the rest of the time teaching. The cost… is extremely high I suppose. The only way to deal with pain is to associate even more pain. But even the pain can be of negligible effect to my horror. I had to reinforce another state just now. The paper itself was a breeze, seeing that it took me less than 3/4 of the time. I was so tired that I could barely play dota though. Thrashing Jackson in battleships was so easy though, despite my fatigue, which shows how NOOB he is. Hahaha….

Anyway, this familiar feeling is back. So empty. I have never forgotten the dangers of NLP I guess. Even though I talked so much crap today, the bubbly feeling was never there. I doubt it will be again any time soon. I should start a new class on talking crap. Kelvin and Kenny can do it with me. Kelvin can teach how to say the most outrageous rubbish, while people can learn the perfect combination of short phrases + facial expressions from Kenny. Such an interesting idea. I’m sure there are people who actually need it though. So sad…

Through the havens of music and song
Blessed be those who tell right from wrong
Within those hallways begins the search for solace
Oh so forlorn, the journey to that secret place

Wind and rain, thunder and storm
Why so empty, the feel after we transform
That which was hidden has become apparent
Yet only after all else became transcendent

Within myself there be this symphony
Alternating between cries of joy and agony
Yet after one wrench in my heart
All the voices just fall apart

If I could not care about my family, I wouldn’t. It just hurts too much. Why I chose to made a study into children and their learning grows much more obvious. But why cant they understand? We don’t need a harsh and strict father, we need encouragement, support, and guidance when requested for. Communication is such a neglected skill in this family, its no wonder I have so many problems with it. And my siblings… My father just wants them to have proper characters. Is it so hard to understand that all he does is for their own good? I have my own share of complaints, heck, the recent incident still bugs me, but I also understand that they mean well. Thank you to Kenny and Ziyu. Like really a lot. Its much better.

My mum cried as she was talking to me about it. Yet, what can I do? She will be the one facing an empty house after I am gone. I know my dad will feel bad about it too. But nonetheless, so many things arose from what he did. If only he can let go of his damnable pride and rigidity, and look towards seeking for solutions together instead of his “I am the law” treatment to my siblings…

Please, let them be happy. No matter what they do. I feel so useless.