Unreasonably Happy

My title has nothing to do with my post. It’s just how I felt when I began the day!

I woke at 2+am. It took me very long before I decided upon what to read. Haha. And in a flash, it came to me. The reason why I chose BS in the first place. After working here, I have realized something once again. When we work, we might have the time and money to invest in ourselves… but not the energy. Just for the record, I fell asleep close to 9pm. Given how much energy I usually have, that is nothing short of amazing. Josh lasting on a 13h battery life. Gods. We place so much effort into our work, giving our best, but what do we have left for ourselves? If I sleep at 12.30, I have about 4+h each day on self development. That’s a lot. But I barely have the energy to do it. Not that I can’t, but I know how painfully obvious it is that I am not progressing as fast as I can.

My number one lesson from this month: Appreciation. I didn’t appreciate the environment I had before. Now I can see how wasteful with my resources I was. I failed to appreciate the importance of health – energy is vital. I failed to appreciate the value of time for myself – scarce it has become. I failed to appreciate the opportunities that I had – regrets abound, in so many areas of life.

So why did I choose BS? I remember now. It was my first step towards reclaiming my life. A life in which I can be free to pursue what I want. The passion for business burned deeply and furiously. They still do. They were just smothered by the general consensus of the people around me. Or to be more precise, I allowed others to affect me. Business is my choice towards living a life of love and laughter. In my past two years, I basically broke myself down. Repeatedly. So much so that I had begun to forget the essence of who I am, what I stood for.

Sometimes, things have to be taken apart to build stronger foundations anew. That is certainly true for me. But imagine this… is it easier for a master painter to do a fresh painting, or to do one over a spoiled piece of work? Undoubtedly the latter. I had to empty myself, to let more flow into me. I had to rid thinking, to begin feeling. No wonder I felt such a profound sense of loss. The NLP state shift confirmed another thing. I can no longer live with my previous values and beliefs. It wasn’t long before they were shed entirely, although I didn’t really make much of an effort to re-condition myself. It was time to change.

So in what way have I changed? That’s a hard question to answer. I’m an unfinished painting. I guess the painting can still go in several different directions, depending on the choice of the painter. Who’s me. But regardless of what choice I make, I know that I will once again recall and use the innate magic that is inherent within each of us. There is no other possibility, for the magician is the master of possibilities. Seal the rest off, and the remaining one must be the choice to make. Awakening the Zagmeister.